It's been a while since I posted on here. This is a poem I wrote for the CHUMS Snowdrop Service in December last year. "Guilt" is a good word that pretty much sums up how I feel. I feel guilty that I couldn't protect Alexander, I feel guilty that I couldn't do more for him. During this past year, I feel guilty that I have less time doing some of the things I usually do for Alexander.
A good friend of mine recently told me that she would feel guilty when she spends her time with one of her two children and not the other. And of course, when she spends time with the other, she would feel guilty too. When she takes time for herself, she would feel guilty for not spending time on both her children! Perhaps, it's just being a mother..
Two and not One
Written by mummy for Alexander the Greatest
My not so baby Alexander
You have a baby brother
I know I shouldn’t but I do
Compare your brother and you
Your personalities I cannot compare
But I see the features you both share
Although you have a brother
This is not to replace or to recover
Nor would it be possible
As you are irreplaceable
Sometimes you may see me holding your bother extra tight
That’s because 3 years ago I fought something big but lost the fight
And the many kisses you see I give your brother
Don’t just belong to him but to you too Alexander
My time you must now share
With your brother who I know you love and care
Some things are different now
But my love for you I vow
Will always be there and grow
That, I hope you will always know
Your brother and you are my everything
My world, my universe; the only treasures I cling
In my heart you both weigh the same
Where you both keep alight my flame
One I see and one I cannot
tied with daddy and me in one knot
Our tie is forever and can never be undone
I have two sons and not just one
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