I’ve been looking back at 2024. This year, I made Alexander’s elephants for his birthday on time, but I made his elephant for the Christmas tree late - just like this post is late. I also forgot to make a donation to Keech and light a Christmas tree in his memory, but I did organise a charity bake sale for Baby Loss Awareness Week at work. I decorated Alexander’s Christmas tree but can’t help thinking that the star I made wasn’t as perfect as I would have liked.
I wish I could do everything and perfectly for Alexander, but I don’t. However, I realise this is ok. It’s ok because the reality is that I don’t think I would be able to do everything and perfectly even if Alexander was still physically here with me. As much as I would love to, I also definitely can’t do all the things I want to for his brother, Jamie. So I’ve decided its ok. I still feel guilty, but it’s ok to accept that I can’t do everything and it’s ok to cut myself some slack. It doesn’t mean that I love Alexander or Jamie any less.
Happy New Year Alexander xx xx.
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